Brilliance

There are times when I look over the pictures I've taken with my boys over the course of a day and I feel completely vacant. What could I possibly write that could capture the brightness of this day? How could I ever put into words the warmness that drizzles over your soul when your son picks a dandelion and holds it in front of your face, in front of his proud, stretched out arm, begging you to act like it is the most brilliant thing you have ever seen? How could I possibly write anything to make that feeling seem more real than actually being there, actually being right here---

That is where we were yesterday. Right there. We were in that sweet, slow spot of life where everything was warmth, everything was brightness. Everything was the most brilliant dandelion I have ever seen.

To put it lightly, we fed the ducks---

We dizzied our eyes with a pinwheel---

We rode a wagon---

And, still, no matter how many times I have seen this face, with this joy, with that gaping larger than life mouth bellowing with excitement, still it amazes me just how purely Bub loves life.

 And what I love just as much as loving Bub love life, is loving Bub love his brother.

What could I possibly write to capture the brightness of this day?

The boys, all bundled in their wagon, the ducks bulging with our stale bread, me with my scarf and aching arms and blistering feet---we went.

And the wagon got heavier and the hills got steeper---

But even as I was panting with sharp, burning, crisps of air scraping the inside of my lungs I couldn't stop thinking; this is one of the coolest things we have ever done.

And when we finally got to a place to catch our breath and unhook our limbs from the wagon and race around against the winter air, there it was again---brothers loving.

It's just two soft palms resting gently on two distraught shoulders. It's just a calm knowing face, but a bigger and taller face, and a face that knows just a little bit more about a few of life's nuances. It's just a warm, breathing weight standing firmly behind a body of sadness saying when you're ok again, I'm still here.

Brothers loving.

These boys, they amaze me.

 

They thrill me.

They warm me.

 They are, without a doubt, the most brilliant thing I have ever seen.

 Finally, with cherry tipped noses dripping like icicles, we said goodbye to this view---

We piled into the wagon---

 

And went home.

At the end of a day like that, when I curl up in bed with Bub after the stories and the good night songs, all I can do is stare at him. I am completely vacant. What could I possibly say to him to make him understand the amazement he brought to my day? What words could ever make these babies understand the brightness of life that they are? There are no words, there are no pictures, there is only the warmness in my soul.

But I know that they know it is there.

Babies, you are the most brilliant thing I have ever seen.


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